Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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