we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
