Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
