Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
