He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
