i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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