you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
