At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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