I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
