just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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