Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
