No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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