mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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