Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
