I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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