trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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