No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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