while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone came in the potted fern
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
