Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
