A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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