Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
