ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
home. puking in laundry basket.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
