lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My pussy is not your playground.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
