i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
