i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
