My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Small penises have feelings too.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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