Screwed.edu
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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