My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
