I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
