She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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