Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
