uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
