Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
