"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
