Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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