after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?