a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?