Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman