I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
