Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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