I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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