i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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