I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
