I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
