You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
