I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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