yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
