I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
