And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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