Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
