A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
