it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
