Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your cock deserves a montage
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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