ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
