Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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