Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
