I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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