I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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