but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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