dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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