i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
