I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
