Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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