how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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