You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
