Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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