Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
