The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
