From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
