I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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