somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
