i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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