oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
